A personal reflection on healing, identity, and the journey back to grace

There was a Christmas when I was far from home. I had just arrived at a new duty station. I didn’t know anyone. I had no family nearby. I didn’t even have a close friend to call. That year, more than anything, I just wanted to go to Mass and receive Communion. I missed God. I missed the feeling of being close to something holy.

But first, I needed to go to confession.

I stepped into the quiet of the confessional, nervous but honest. I opened my heart and said things I had never said out loud before. I shared everything I was carrying. Then, for the first time in my life, I said it:

“I am gay.”

There was a long silence.

After what felt like forever, the priest looked at me and said,

“You have a broken soul.”

Whatever else he may have said after that, I do not remember. My heart could not hear anything beyond those words. They hit me hard, and they stayed. I left that day feeling not only far from my loved ones, but far from the Church, and far from God.

I Came for Grace. I Was Met With Silence and Shame.

I did not expect approval. I wasn’t asking for affirmation. I just wanted to be honest, to lay everything down so I could receive Christ at Christmas. Instead, I was told I was too damaged to be worthy of grace.

That moment did not bring healing. It brought a deep loneliness I still remember to this day.

But That Was Not the Voice of God

Over time, I came to see that those words did not come from Christ. The Jesus I know does not shame the hurting. He does not silence the soul that is finally speaking its truth. God was not in that judgment.

God was the one who stayed beside me in the silence. God was the one who did not walk away.

I Became the Priest I Needed That Day

Years later, I followed a calling I didn’t expect. I became a priest—not the kind who turns people away, but the kind who remembers what it feels like to be pushed out.

I became the priest who listens. The one who looks someone in the eyes and says, “You’re not broken. You’re beloved.”

To Anyone Who Has Been Hurt by the Church

If you have ever walked into a place of worship and left feeling more ashamed than when you entered…

If someone told you your soul was too far gone…

If someone used silence as punishment for your honesty…

Please hear this:

You are not broken.

You are not unworthy.

You are not alone.

If you need someone to sit with you in the silence,

If you want someone to hear your truth without fear or judgment,

If you want to know that God still wants you at the table—

I am here.